What's the longest you have been celibate for? 

Single or attached the pandemic has certainly had an effect on our relationships. For singletons, the past couple of years of lockdowns and isolation may have meant very little human contact, which for some people also translated into long periods of celibacy that were perhaps not planned!

Talking recently with friends, we realised two things. Firstly, that covid had meant solo sex only for the longest time since becoming sexually active, and secondly people are feeling a little out of practice and definitely less confident than before. It is only natural, after all you can't expect to not be affected by the events of the past two years. Plus, practice makes perfect, so very little socialising will definitely make meeting new people feel harder.

If you are feeling less confident sexually then don't worry, because you are definitely not alone, and there are plenty of ways to gently build yourself up.

It's important to understand what sexual confidence looks like, it's not just about loving your body and it's definitely not just about having lots of sex. Sexual confidence is believing that you deserve pleasure, understanding your own sexual desires and being able to communicate them to a partner. It's listening to the needs of your partner, respecting that they may be different to your own, and setting and accepting boundaries.

Tips for sexual confidence

1. Find out what you like - if you don't know what works, how can you expect someone else to figure it out? Although that could be a fun game... But seriously, make time for solo sex. Find out what turns you on. Watch porn. Explore your fantasies.

2. Be curious about what's going on in your body - observe from a place of non judgement. When you come from this place you give yourself the freedom to explore, enjoy and feel satisfied from many different experiences.

3. Think about the role of culture in how you feel about sex. This will be vastly different for everyone but you can start by exploring how you've been taught that specific looks are 'sexy' and other looks are not. Look into fatphobia, colourism, ableism and ageism. These internalised stereotypes give us false ideas of how to feel about our bodies. Remember that all bodies deserve pleasure and sex.

4. Be present. Of course this tip isn't just for the bedroom, but it does remind us perfectly to not be so concerned with performing during sex, but to just be present and think about the pleasure.

5. Communicate - this can be verbal or non verbal, but communication is key, as always. 

I would love to hear your experiences or tips for sexual confidence in the comments....

Stay safe. Have fun. Issy x

Pictured - Yiming Curiosity looking confident and happy with Chris Cobalt in TOUCH