Mutually Beneficial - Have you ever tried mutual masturbation?

It's important to have a good self care routine. This looks different for everyone of course, but self love and pleasure should definitely be high up on your list of how to look after yourself. I hope that as a reader of the JoyBear Journal that you indulge in some #JoyBearSelfCare regularly...

Of course masturbation is normally seen as a solo activity, but have you ever tried getting yourself off in front of a partner? Known as mutual masturbation, keeping your hands to yourselves instead of on each other can be seriously hot... It can also refer to masturbating each other simultaneously, but here I'm going to focus on the art of self pleasure as your partner does the same.

If the thought of doing something that is normally so private in front of someone makes you feel more than a little uncomfortable, bear with me as there are some serious benefits to exploring this with a partner. It can also be a great way for long distance lovers to stay connected, although I think that mutual masturbation with your partner in the flesh has much more of an exciting and incredibly personal edge to it.

You can strengthen your connection - Though you may be very close with them, it takes a new level of confidence and intimacy to masturbate in front of your partner. And watching them do the same thing at the same time can really bring a fresh and thrilling aspect to your self loving. Watching each other get more and more turned on can be an upward spiral of pleasure which is only going to end one way for both of you...

Demonstrate the perfect pleasure technique - This can also be a great way to show your parter the perfect technique. If you know how to make yourself come, then giving your partner a live demonstration will not only turn them on, but give them plenty of ideas. It can be hard to communicate to a partner exactly what we like for fear of upsetting them, or making them feel like they are doing something wrong, so a bit of live action can say everything you want to say, without having to speak a word. With the added bonus that you get to see exactly how your partner pushes their pleasure buttons.

Guaranteed results for both of you - Mutual masturbation will definitely deliver you pleasure. Perhaps you find it difficult to climax from penetrative sex, or just find it difficult with a partner (it's not that uncommon) so this can be the perfect technique to firstly make sure that both of you have a good time, and secondly to improve your confidence and comfort. 

Break down your discomfort about talking about sex - Many of us find it difficult to talk about sex, and this taboo only serves to make us feel awkward and at the end of the day be unable to communicate our needs. We are all sexual beings and deserve pleasure and we don't need to be ashamed of that fact. Owning your own pleasure is one of the greatest acts of self love you can do, and owning it right in front of a partner will lift your confidence to new levels. 

Still not convinced? Think of it as your own private show. Watching porn can turn you on, we are all visually aroused on some level. A lot of the time in the bedroom with a partner it's all about the touch between you, the feeling of their skin on yours, but view wise things tend to be in extreme close up. However, sit opposite your partner and you both have a front row seat as you both work yourselves to orgasm.

If you are in a long term relationship then this can also be a fun way to break up your sexual routine, try something new and perhaps open the door to more experimentation. All too often we follow a script of what works and then find ourselves stuck in a rut and not sure how to get out without offending the other person. Perhaps you'd like to try something new but you're scared to broach the subject - mutual masturbation can be an easy way to see how enthusiastic your partner is about spicing things up, without the fear of being judged over a kink. 

So how to bring it up? As always communication is key, and mutual masturbation, because it's something you've both done before, shouldn't be difficult to bring up in casual conversation. You can simply tell your partner that your curious about mutual masturbation, or bring it up as a sexual fantasy, that you'd love to watch them touch themselves. I also highly recommend the Yes, No, Maybe game as a way for both of you to explore your sexual likes, dislikes and where the overlap, you can read more about that here...

Don't overthink it too much. After all, watching someone you fancy pleasure themselves is definitely going to work for most people. And if either of your have any exhibitionist or voyeuristic tendencies then you're both going to enjoy where this takes you...

Have you ever masturbated in front of a partner? I'd love to hear in the comments...

Stay safe. Have fun. Issy x

Pictured - Baby Nicols in Love is Blind